On Presidents’s day, we (the Markleys and our dear friend Kristin B) had appointments at Black Diamond in Venice to get tattoos dedicated to Jax. The entire experience was new to most of us, but it was about as smooth and pleasant as you could imagine. And the results were beyond all expectation. I only wish that we had all done this with Jax, and not after. But as John Lennon used to say, life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans…
Love you, Jaxy. And today, in yet another way, we are all bonded in deep and enduring love for you.
This week we observed our first Valentine’s Day without Jax. Normally, it’s one of those days that come and go with tokens of affection and joy for those closest to us. No big deal in the Markley house. We know how we feel and have never had any trouble expressing it with each other.
But this time it was different. It was one of those days when you’re torn between feelings of joy and appreciation for all you have, and abject heartache for all you’ve lost. I feel Jax’s absence every minute of every day — but on this day the gravity of Jax’s absence felt like a black hole ripping away at my insides, like it did when we first lost Jax.
This is what not okay feels like. I’m not okay. We’re not okay. But our family is together in this, loving as ever, and still grateful for each other and for the years we had with Jax. And that will never change.
I miss you, Jaxy. We miss you. And we love you ETERNALLY.
You may be wondering what’s with the ladybug logo. Here is the story. Throughout their life, Jax seemed to be a magnet for ladybugs. It seemed like from a very young age, any time we’d go out into nature – gardens, wild places, anywhere you’d see plant life, at least one ladybug would hitch a ride on Jax. There was a particular moment in 2018 when we were getting around Paris using public transit, when out of nowhere, a ladybug flew into the bus and landed on the rim of Jax’s glasses of all places. I think that was when this officially became a “thing.” And this is why you see the symbolism of the ladybug everywhere in our celebrations of Jax’s life.
